Dealing with Disappointment

Moving into a CAN DO Approach

By 9am this morning a theme for the day had already emerged.

First we were running late so managing distractions and getting morning routine to dos accomplished in less time was a major focus. Here are the steps I took.

  • 1: What absolutely has to be done?
  •  2: What can I do first to make things easier, better, move on?
  • 3: Do step 2
  • 4: repeat steps 1 through 4

Sounds easy right?! Thankfully this morning it was. But add disappointment and emotion to the mix and getting to Step 1 can be very clouded.

Let me share a story with you…

A year ago I had the benefit of being involved with amazing people doing fundraising and creating awareness for a cause in desperate need of attention. The cause related to addiction and recovery for women. Women’s health is very important to me – not only because I happen to be a woman, but this was amplified by the fact that the focus group was women with children. Yes, I’m also a Mother.

The cause I speak of is Recovery Acres and their fundraising to build a Women’s Recovery Centre. This year that Recovery Centre was built. However, I’ve learned that the funding that was hoped for may be pulled or withdrawn. This is a disappointment for me.

Now in my role as a mother we deal with disappointments all the time. As children grow managing expectations and disappointment are a huge part of healthy development and life skills. We are handed all kinds of things in life and how we handle it, our reaction (proactive or otherwise) and our actions (what we do, the solutions we look for and the resources we employ) play a prominent role. There is a quote if find fitting here.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. Voltaire

I use the word God interchangeably with the Universe or any other higher spiritual entity you have chosen to adopt. What comes up for me is that life is a playground and being human is about finding the best way to play with any given situation. Not that all situations are funny or a laughing matter as many are exactly the opposite.

A big part of playing with life for me is like seeing a disappointment or challengee830b30c29f6073ed95c4518b74f4e94eb7fe4d704b015469cf9c378a7ecb0_640 as a ball that has been thrown my way. We have choices… WE CAN….

  • let the ball pass by – like ignoring it
  • let the ball hit us and complain about it
  • catch the ball
    • and drop it, for someone else to play with
    • take the ball and put it away – unseen
    • toss it in the air or against the wall on our own
    • find someone who wants to play ball with us

Analogies are great but I’m going to reflect for a moment on a call with a friend a week or so ago because a lot of managing disappointment, challenges and obstacles has to do with taking care of ourselves and our expectations. There was hurt and harm in a relationship situation. Events occurred that were shocking, disappointing and seemed very uncharacteristic of the nature of the relationship. Getting through emotion was a large part of moving a cloud. It takes time. There can be anger, sadness, a feeling or loss and helplessness. The cloud can be a full on storm. Feelings maybe the hardest part. Add addiction to the mix and it becomes unclear, and seemingly insurmountable. We need the help of others with skills we don’t possess and may not be able to access.

I’m grateful that addiction is not an obstacle for me and it would be a blessing if it were that way for more of us, especially women with children.

All though it’s not easy, when anything comes my way I like to move into a CAN DO Approach. This means that I attempt to focus on what I CAN DO. Taking care of me first let’s me be the best I can be for others. I rely on people to take care of themselves also. In many situations help and resources are necessary for this to occur. I focus on the Steps 1 through 4 above as it lets me test where I’m at emotionally as well as breathe (or scream, cry, soak in water, listen to music or write for hours) – what ever I need to do to get to the point of being able to act on Step 1. Then remembering the ball was thrown my way – I get to chose if I want to play and how I want to play. This is not a place people with addiction challenges easily get to, even if they would like to, access to resources many not be available to help.

So today my choice is to share with you, Recovery Acres needs those funds to help Women have access and resources and I knew that over a year ago. I chose to be involved then so I’m going to play now.

Step 1: They need more awareness, support and funds.

Step 2: Here’s what I can do. I can share with you where to find more information. I can and am asking that you have a look and share the message with others. You can find out more information here and donate if you wish, the button is on the top right in red.

This is life and I just threw you the ball.  I respect the choice you chose to make.

Thank You.

Fear

“Fear is a necessary companion.” Elizabeth Gilbert
jenncockton-fear

The other day I was getting creative with quotes and came across

“Fear is a necessary companion.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert

I created a social media post and then did not share it.

Fear defined: verb: be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening. noun: an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

I stopped and reflected “Is this true for me? Do I believe that Fear is a Necessary Companion?”

Because I was questioning I sat down to write a blog about it.  I picked up a note book, found an empty page and a pen. The idea was to write about fear and what was coming up for me. The writing proved to be a bit different than I had originally conceived. I envisioned all of my fears pouring out of the pen on to the page.

Everything I was scared of, all of my challenges, every pain about lack, loss and all doubts about past actions or future outcomes were suppose to come forward. But this is not what showed up.

What showed up was the “What if it did happen?” test.

What if….

  • I got sick
  • I got lonely
  • I end up alone
  • I lost everything and everyone
  • There was no money.

Every WHAT IF and MAYBE was analyzed away. None of it was for certain. I role played through the out comes.

When I thought about how fear holds me back, it’s about hurt & harm, loss & pain, judgement, less than experiences or missing out. It all comes from a lack mentality. Focusing on the negative. The fears became more like NAGS. The shoulding – I was doing to myself. The recognition of what I felt I was denying myself.

Prominent Nags for me…

  • Health – Exercise more, eat better, chose healthy habits
  • Declutter – get rid of what is not used, loved or sacred
  • Collect No’s – asking for business from others
  • Seeking specific experiences

Having concerns and nags around different things definitely helps spur me to pursue various paths. However, the definition of Fear –  Beliefs of Danger, Pain, and Threats –  doesn’t resonate with me.

Then there was happiness, acceptance, and love. I am the decision maker. Allowing fear to have a deciding voice will keep my life sheltered and very small.

It is worth my time and energy to go after those things I want.

In life am I doing everything I want to? Am I creating a LIFE I LOVE?

Lack doesn’t live here. What does live here is opportunity, love, play, impact and beautiful experiences. So I say YES to more learning, more creating, more socializing, sharing impactful messages and making an impact and playing with others.

Sorry this quote is not true for me.